Can People Change?

Recently I had a rousing debate with my brother about whether people can change or not. His position basically was that they can’t change to any significant degree—that whether by nature or nurture they are hard-wired to be who they are.

After first telling him that he was categorically wrong and that I made my living helping people to change, I came up with some more cogent arguments. First, I acknowledged that it’s difficult for people to change, but it can be done if folks are motivated enough.

I see “personality” as a collection of habits created through the years. While some of these habits may be innate, most of them are created to help us adapt to whatever environment we’re in. For example, if being powerful and assertive wasn’t allowed in your family when you were growing up, you learn to be passive and unassertive to stay out of trouble. Turns out this habit doesn’t serve you well in adulthood, so you change it.

I believe with Tony Robbins when he said that people change when the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same. For example, when I accept a business scaling engagement, one of the first things we do is measure important key performance indicators to see how things are going.

Almost inevitably my client’s fears that things aren’t going as well as they’d like are confirmed by the numbers, i.e., they experience the pain of staying the same. This usually provides a strong motivation to make positive changes. Even though the change process isn’t entirely comfortable, it’s preferable to the pain of staying the same.

Here’s a pro tip: if you hire someone with the idea of changing them, it’s almost always a bad bet. It’s too hard. Hire people who already have the habits you need.

I’ve seen clients, family, and friends make dramatic positive changes in their lives. I’ve also seen people not make needed changes and continue to suffer the consequences of bad choices. So yes, people can change if they are motivated to do so and the payoff is great enough. What changes do you need to make? 

Don’t be a stranger. (770) 993-1129. tdockery@TheResolveFirm.com