Are Feelings Weakness for Leaders?

Growing up I was taught that feelings are weakness, especially in men. I’ve heard male leaders say that women aren’t good leaders because “they’re too emotional” as if having emotions is some kind of liability instead of an advantage. As with most things, it’s about balance. Let’s use my Principle of Balance & Justification ^SM (PB&J).

The single best predictor of leadership success is the ability to care about your followers so that they will care about you in return. That requires emotional intelligence, and I’m sorry guys, but in general women are better at this than we are. In a recent interview a very successful leader simply said, “I love them, and then they love me back.” From a business standpoint this results in a highly engaged and motivated team that helps you achieve your business goals.

We men leaders tend to be socialized into thinking that detaching from our feelings is a sign of strength and resilience that serves us well. Sure, “embracing the suck” by enduring pain can be a useful tool to have in your toolbelt from time to time, but if you overplay it (lack of balance) you can’t build the caring relationships that are the foundation of leadership and business success.

An example of unhealthy detaching from emotions as a leader is “don’t get angry.” If you follow this advice you wind up with stored repressed anger that oozes out when it least serves your best interests. Without doubt, over time repressed anger will destroy your mental and physical health.

Instead, feel that invigorating and motivating anger, but then think through your options before you use that powerful energy to create an action plan to get what you want. That’s not emotional detachment, that’s emotional intelligence. You can’t beat the human emotional system, but you can manage it to your advantage.

So no, feelings aren’t weakness in leaders if used wisely. The ultimate bottom line is that leadership and business success are built on a foundation of win-win relationships. How are you going to achieve that if you can’t feel your feelings?

Don’t be a stranger. (770) 993-1129. tdockery@TheResolveFirm.com