Why Is Changing Your Behavior So Hard?

We make thousands of decisions every day, and to reduce our demands on our brain we are “cognitive misers.” i.e. we develop habits. In this way we don’t have to expend as much cognitive energy. This leaves us more mindshare to focus on other things.

Many of our most powerful thinking habits are formed when we are children. Our basic world view depends on our experiences in the environment in which we grew up. Was your childhood world a happy and loving place or an unhappy and harsh place? For most of us, it was some combination of the two, and we adapted to the environment we were in by forming habits that helped us meet our needs.

For example, if you felt mistreated much of the time, the “kid” within you might decide that other people may not have your best interests at heart. In adulthood you might have more trouble trusting others than most people do.

As a leader these long-held and often subconscious beliefs about trusting others could result in difficulty in delegating responsibility or in working as part of team, both of which require a high degree of trust. Often, we can experience anxiety about making changes in these habits and not even know where it’s coming from. Somehow, it just feels wrong or dangerous.

In this instance, even if people you respect encourage you to trust others more, they may not able to convince you. It still feels dangerous. That’s because it’s not just a rational adjustment; your reluctance has emotional roots that run deep. It feels like someone is asking you to turn loose of a trapeze when you don’t see any safety net below. What seems like an easy adjustment to others can literally feel like the possibility of death to you emotionally.  

If you’re struggling to make important changes in your behavior that will lead to greater success, find a mentor and confidant who truly knows how to help you. You’ll be glad you did; it can be very hard to make these changes without help.   

Don’t be a stranger. (770) 993-1129. tdockery@TheResolveFirm.com