Communication Style Match Is Essential

I like to think I’m a good communicator, but I made a significant mistake recently because I didn’t match the communication style of the person I was talking with. This event reminded me again how important it is to talk with someone in the “language” that they understand best.

Essentially, I employed my brand of offbeat humor in an attempt to build a closer relationship, but I achieved the exact opposite effect. My default communication style in business includes a lot of laughing and playfulness for two reasons: 1) It’s more fun, and 2) People tend to relax and be more honest, and this leads to more productive discussions.

As was evident in this recent interaction, not everyone likes the same style. It’s not uncommon to get complaints about my team meetings if we’re in a shared space because people say we’re laughing too much and being too loud. Oh well.

There must be a hundred parlor-level “personality profiles” out there, most of which are based on a “task vs. people” quadrant. For example, in Robert and Dorothy Bolton’s Social Style inventory the “Driver” style and the “Amiable” styles of communication are very different.

“Drivers” are more task focused. If a salesperson walks into their office, they’re likely to say, “What can I do for you?” and want to get right down to business. By contrast “Amiables” are more people focused. If a salesperson walked into their office, they’re likely to say, “How’s it going?” and invite you to chat for a bit about personal things before getting down to business.

While clearly this is important for salespeople to pay attention to, so should all of us. Communication is about being understood, and what better way to be understood than to talk to someone in their preferred language? And by the way, aside from a reasonable balance between task and people focus, success as a leader is not highly correlated with your preferred communication style.

Don’t be a stranger. (770) 993-1129. tdockery@TheResolveFirm.com